With happyness and sadness I will finish this years oruc.

I learned how to handle my body, how it respond on being with out food or water.

I got stronger psyche then before. Becouse to do oruc is nothing eals then about psycke. So many times people have been sitting infront of me eating, or when I have been baking or cooking. Well thats all psyche! To not put anything in your mouth even that you feel so thirsty and hungry.

Im now standing here on my second year that I did oruc.

I passed 30 days of not eating from dawn to sunset.

Started on 17 hours 22 min, now today Im down at 15 hours 9 min.

Im so proud over my self!! Elhamdulillah!!!

Last year I was just able to do 3 weeks, becouse I was traveling to Turkey.

As one of the rules say in Quran; You cant be oruc if you are on traveling foot.

But the most unbelievable thing is that Im sooo hungry today!! After these 30 days my hunger feeling is starting to come...Its supose to have been the first days...well better to have it the last day!

Im geting so tired on those people that thinks they know exactly what I should do!

So what that I dont have a job. I like to be at home to do what I want. Specially now when I have been oruc, I can rest when I feel I need to, I can do housework outside or inside, I can help my family with what they need and I can eat when iftar comes.

Like my garndmum, she say every day that I should find a job. A full time job, move out from mums house, find my own apartment, stop fool around with islam and get a boyfriend in Sweden.

Well grandmum, whats the point to get a job when I can just work till begining of january, becouse Gökhan is out from army then. Plus I live on Gotland which mean its no job wintertime! Sure I could go around and ask if someone need help, that should probably be the most effectiv way to get a job. But who want to hire a woman for full time and that can just work till january? Maybe they want me to work in Örebro this winter too, sure I should be able to do. If I found a new place to stay. My other room I rented there the owner started to be personaly close or what I should say... to stand in middle of the night in just underwear and t-shirt infront of a muslim woman when she just came home from work, is not OKAY!! Absolutly not acceptable!

Yes, Im also losing retirement pension on beeing at home and going to Turkey half the year. But sorry Im planing to move down there on full time. Maybe in future we will move back to Sweden, when our future kids InsAllah will start school.

Becouse I love my man! He is the one and only for me!

I converted to Islam soon a year ago and it was the best thing I have done for a long time. Im not the best one, I have still much to learn and Im learning every day! So when Im standing there and the judgementday I hope I am a good and faithful muslim. Allahu Akbar.

Grandmum, please. Im here at home, here to help you. When I have been working you complained that no one care about you. No one was thinking about that you needed to shop, that you needed to go to the doctor, go to meet friends and that you need help in garden. GRANDMUM, IM HERE TO HELP YOU AND EVERYONE EALS!

Im not just saying that my grandmum complaining. Its Everyone!

I am me and I cant be like you even if I try the most. I need to find my own way to paradise, maybe it will not be straight and it should not be eather.

Im sorry if I hurted someone, dident mean to

I just needed to say what I feel about my position right now. Thank you!

Today its Laylat al-Qadr!

Translated to english that should mean; the Night of Power, the Night of Decree or the Night of Measures.

''A Night Greater Then A Thousand Months''

On this night ALLAH sent ArchAngel Gabriel with the first vistion to Muhammed.

Accerly its not named in the Quran which day Gabriel came on.

Shia muslims says it was on 23'rd day of Ramazan, when sunni muslims says it was the 27'th day.

Quran says it was on a uneven date in the last 10 days of Ramazan. So many men go to camii the 10 last days to be sure they dont miss it.

Men (woman too) can pray extra hard this days on what they want in life and they Insallah (if ALLAH want) will get it.

Under this days womans are cooking extra foods, dessert, beverage and takes it to camii. Giving it to men so they will be able to stay there and make dua. Mostly old men are able to stay there all day, when the younger men have to make a living for the rest of family.

Between those praytimes they sit down and read the Quran and reflecting the text, some is doing meditation, other just sit and talk.

For me this day will mean I make all 6 namazlar, I normaly just make günes namasi. I will take on my nikah scarf (a speciall scarf you get when you are engaged), read the Quran and think about ALLAH and all great thinks we got.

Well well...

I think I got it, how this blogg works. I spent kind off all day taking insperation from others, wrote my presentations and tried to make some design. Even if I dont know anything about fashion. Anyway I like violett as you notis.

Right now I'm just trying to rest, Ramazans 25 day is now over. Just four days left on this years ramazan. Its second year I am doing oruc (fasting), last year was so hard. All changing on one time. I had big ache in stomack and head every evening. Even some days I cried the hours before Iftar (dinner).

But this year have been all diffrent. Just the first day was hard. I had ache in all my body. Even my heart but that was probably becouse G my husband left for army same day. And I dident know when I was gonna speak to him again. But no danger, I have already spoken on phone three times. The two first was just holding in 1.5-2 minutes ong calls. I hates that it so expencive to call abroad.

Anyway, I love ramazan. It makes me realize how many people that dont have food or water every day! Ramazan is just 30 days, but think about thouse that lives like this 365 day in a year!

Thats something that every person have to think about!!